You Know You've Lived in China Too Long When...
1. You're at an expensive western restaurant and don't even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone.
2. You enjoy karaoke.
3. The China Daily is your source for hard-hitting, fast breaking, Investigative journalism.
4. You smoke in crowded elevators.
5. All white people look the same to you.
6. You like the smell of the bus.
7. You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly.
8. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
9. You find western toilets uncomfortable.
10. You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person).
11. You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy.
12. You think a 30-year-old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute.
13. A sexual pervert is a man who prefers women to money.
14. It's OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window.
15. You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it move faster.
16. You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
17. You tell your parents their house back in your home country has bad feng shui.
18. You think that a US$7 shirt is a rip-off.
19. You always leave tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks because you insisted it is the way to keep everyone employed.
20. You still buy an XXXL T-shirt in store when you returned home.
21. You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on the restaurant floor.
22. You think it's silly to buy a new bike when it'll get stolen soon and stolen bikes are half the price.
23. You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.
24. It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.
25. You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.
26. You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
27. You look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading.
28. You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk.
29. When car accidents become a source of heartwarming humor.
30. When shopping at Carrefour some laowai (foreigner) stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai's eat.
31. You have figured out that it is actually the Taiwanese who are running this country.
32. You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the governments great work.
33. You think Pizza Hut is high-class and worth queuing for.
34. When you are able to jump the queue because the idiot laowai left 2 centimeters between himself and the person in front of them.
35. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.
36. You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai.
37. The last time you visited your mother, you gave her your business card.
38. You go to the local shop in pajamas.
39. When looking out the window, you think "Wow, so many trees!" instead of "Wow, so much concrete!".
40. Pollution, what pollution?
41. Someone doesn't stare at you and you wonder why.
42. You buy a top-of-the-line karaoke machine.
43. Forks feel funny.
44. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
45. You get homesick for Chinese food when away from China.
46. All the top-level government officials you befriended for guanxi purposes when you first arrived are retired and living in your country.
47. You and a friend get on a bus, sit at opposite ends of the bus, and continue your conversation by yelling from one end to the other.
48. You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.
49. You start recognizing the Chinese songs on the radio and sing along to them with the taxi driver.
50. You feel insulted when you enter a restaurant and only three waiters welcome you.
